Pickup Lines
by Klei
Summary: All the main males of the Narutoverse take turns desperately trying to win the oblivious blonde's heart... With their own pick-up lines. Any/Naru, it's left open-ended. NOT based on the pick-up lines picture/comic thing.


Pick-Up Lines

A/N I know it's been done before, but I had an epiphany while I was doing math homework—

**Naruto: MATH HOMEWORK? How do you imagine a story about pick-up lines during MATH HOMEWORK?**

**I bumped my head one too many times when I was little, okay? Now shuddup! Anyway, I looked at the other two stories I found searching "sasunaru pick-up lines," and while both are about trying to "pick up" Naruto, this one, I think, is different enough not to violate the limited copyright you have over your stories about copyrighted material. :3**

**Naruto: Oh God…**

**Enjoy, people!**

He was going to do it. He was going to pick up the boy of his dreams! With a sigh, Neji walked towards the boy, of whom was standing still and contemplating… Something that probably involved ramen. "Hey, Naruto," he said.

"Ah, Neji, what is it?"

"How about we have a little contest? My Byakugan versus your clothes," he said in a seductive tone. _FUCK yes! I've been working on that genius line for a week now!_

"Eh? I don't think my clothes can fight on their own," the blonde responded, dumbfounded.

Neji anime-fell.

"Whatever. Bye, Neji!" Naruto chirped, walking off.

"What the hell are you trying to do?" Gaara asked.

"Gaara? What are you doing here?"

"Vacation. Point is, it looks like you're trying to hook Naruto with a pick-up line. Here, I'll show you how it's done." With that, he wandered confidently over to oblivious boy.

"Gaara! Since when did you get here?"

"Hey, blondie. Ya' wanna pet my bijuu?" Gaara asked, leaning towards the blonde.

"Wouldn't Shukaku bite my hand off?" Naruto replied, blinking.

Gaara anime-fell, and the blonde walked off again, shrugging.

"You guys aren't doing it right," Sai said as he arrived, presumably having watched the entire spectacle. "You have to stop beating around the bush. Here, watch me." He took out a piece of paper and drew a small, one-centimeter line on it, placing a slightly larger dot on one end. "Naruto!" he called, running up to the Jinchuuriki.

"Yeah?"

"I drew a picture of your penis!" Sai said with a grin, showing him the picture.

"Umm, yeah. Why don't you draw your own penis?"

"I would, but it's too big to fit on this page!"

The blonde sweatdropped and walked off.

"Epic fail, dude," Kiba snorted.

"What do you know?" Neji growled. "Naruto is absolutely positively clueless!"

"Watch this. Naruto!" he addressed, going up to the boy, who by then was wondering why the hell so many people were going up to him and saying weird things.

"What is it, Kiba?"

"Do you know what knotting is?"

"Umm, no."

"How about I do it to you?"

Silence.

"So you want to tie me up or something? Weirdo," Naruto mused, leaving.

"And you thought WE suffered an epic failure. That was fail on so many levels you couldn't fit it in the Empire State Building," Sai said smugly.

Shikamaru walked over and rolled his eyes. "You guys know nothing about pick-up lines," he sighed. "Watch this. Naruto," he said, not really calling.

"Oh! Shikamaru! What?"

"Want to ride me?" Shikamaru asked bluntly, being to lazy to thrust himself.

"Sure!" Naruto replied, and jumped on the other male's back. "I'm exhausted!"

"Get off," Shikamaru said with a sweatdrop, tossing the confused blonde off and heading back to join the other failures.

"Let me try," Shino replied, and stood in front of the blonde.

"Shino? Umm, excuse me. Shino?" Naruto said, the bug-shinobi not budging or speaking. Finally, he shrugged and went around.

"What the fuck was that?" Kiba asked.

"…I deemed the situation hopeless and decided not to say anything."

"You got scared, didn't you?" Gaara muttered.

"I could try!" Choji said.

"You're a doughball! What the hell could YOU possibly do?" Kiba snapped.

"DID YOU CALL ME FAT?"

"N- No, nothing, Choji-dono!" Kiba squeaked.

"Good. Now MOVE!" Choji growled, and stood beside Naruto. "Hey, I'm big in more than one place!"

"Too much information, man!" Naruto squealed, covering his ears. "I don't care about your butt!" He ran away.

"Well, fuck," Sai said simply.

There was an ominous chuckle from the shadows. "You morons. Trying to pick up Naruto with such cheesy lines."

"Well, why don't YOU try, Sasuke?" Neji inquired.

"Alright, I will. Make way for the king of getting bitches," the Uchiha said confidently, going to the blonde. Without hesitation, he leaned over and nibbled the boy's ear. "Hey, baby, you wanna feel my big, hard kunai?" Many girls fainted dreamily, whilst Naruto looked pissed.

"At least Naruto finally understood what we've been doing," Gaara sighed. "That's more than we accomplished."

"No, wait," Shikamaru said.

"BABY? I am not a baby! And you wanna fight? Well, then, let's fight!"

Sasuke anime-fell. "Never mind."

"YEAH, YOU'D BETTER RUN!" the blonde huffed, and continued walking.

"He didn't even… He didn't even GET it," Neji said, jaw dropping. "Why do the cute ones have to be so CLUELESS?"

"So, king of getting bitches," Gaara addressed with a smirk. "How goes it?"

"Shut. The hell. Up," Sasuke growled.

"Hey, is that Lee?" Shikamaru asked.

"Looks like it," Choji agreed.

"I think he's trying to pick up Naruto! Let's watch," Sai said evilly.

"Naruto!" Lee cried.

"Yeah, Lee?"

"Let us go youthfully and youth our way to me youthing on your youth!"

Five seconds passed.

Naruto slapped him. "PERVERT!" He proceeded to storm off.

"It can't be!"

"He understood LEE more than US?"

"Well, I sure didn't understand Lee…"

"Don't worry, buddy," Neji sighed. "We failed to pick him up, too."

"Pick him up? I was just challenging him to a battle," Lee replied, blinking with confusion.

They all anime-fell.

**Edit: Please, if you guys see any typos, report them. I swear I'm literate, but I didn't proofread before writing; I just kinda threw it together in 15 minutes and published. XD**


End file.
